APPLICATION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete 
financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your physician.

 

1. What is your name, age, social security number, IQ and boy scout rank?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

 

2. Do you have one male and one female parent? _________  If "No", explain:

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

 

3. Do you own or have access to a van? _________
A truck with oversize tires? _________
A waterbed? _________

 

4. Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? _________

 

5. Do you have a tattoo? _________

 

*If you have answered YES to #3, #4 or #5, discontinue application and leave immediately. 

 

6.

In fifty words or less, what does LATE mean to you?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

 

7. In fifty words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

 

8. In fifty words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

 

9. In fifty words or less, what does REAL PAIN mean to you?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

 

10. Church/Temple you attend: _____________________

 

11. How often do you attend: _____________________

 

12. When would be the best time to interview your mother, father and priest/rabbi? 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

 

13.

Please fill in the blanks:

If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded would be my: ___________________

If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken would be my: ______________________________

A woman's place is in the: ____________________________________________________________________

The one thing I hope this application doesn't ask is: _________________________________________

When I meet a girl, the one thing I always notice about her first is: _________________________

 

*Note: If answer to last question begins with "T" or "A", discontinue and leave premises. 
       Keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised 

 

14.

What do you want to be IF you grow up? 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

 

I swear that all the above information is correct to the best of my knowledge 
under penalty of death, bodily harm, dismemberment, torture or mental abuse.

 

      Signature of applicant ___________________________________________________________

      Signature of father ______________________________________________________________

      Signature of mother ______________________________________________________________

      Signature of priest/rabbi ________________________________________________________

      Signature of State Representative ________________________________________________

 

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. 
Please allow 4-6 years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if approved. 
If denied, please never apply again. Don't call me; I'll call you.